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The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had. Ijust wanted to do something to make my sister proud of me. Is that sowrong?"Janice had a hankie in her hand, dabbing at her eyes. "It reminds meof my parents." Putting down her coffee she walked over and satbeside Jack, putting a comforting arm around him. "It's tough - younever really get over it. You just try to move on."Nancy was sipping her coffee. She said, "You two really havesomething in common."Jack sat with his head down, trying to make up his mind. "Janice,"he said softly, "I got a confession to make. I enjoyed being aroundyou and your friends. I liked the feel of those clothes and yourperfume. I'm sorry. I guess I'm not much of a man, am I!"Nancy jumped in. "Hell, it makes you more of a man than some of thechildish jerks I've met! Look, sweetheart, I'm a lesbian, but now Imet and chatted with you, well I'm wondering. From grade school tohigh school, all the guys were either too this or too that. I've mademy mistakes. You know, the nice guy everyone called a sissy."Janice.
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